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The Carabinieri aren’t too careful when they toss you in the overcrowded jail cell filled with vandals, thieves, drunks. You stumble against a man with the worst breath in history who promptly tries to grope you, and you take him out without even thinking about it. After that, no one dares to bother you.
The stench of urine, vomit and alcohol is overpowering and if you weren’t feeling hollow and empty, this would be an appropriate moment to throw up.
It felt so good to be arrested, like you were about to burst from pressure and someone opened a valve. It felt good because it meant risking everything, because it meant taking extreme measures, like you were allowed to do whatever you needed to do to make it right again. Like you were taking your best shot.
You haven’t felt anything but adrenaline since the moment you decided to try and turn back time, and now that you’ve done everything in your power, it all comes rushing back in one giant wave of horror; drowning you - choking you -
"Myka, we need to think rationally, not emotionally."
Steve, his neck obscurely bent, as if his head had gotten to heavy, cold and pale.
"How can you just be business as usual?"
Claudias wail, constantly tearing your heart strings apart, the pressure rises -
Helena, noble and willing and you can’t even take her hands, you’re so sure they’d be as cold as yours, you feel so sick -
You can never forget Pete’s face. “Get back to the car. Please!”
"Myka, I’m sorry."
Helena, Helena, she has never looked as young, never been as pure, never as happy as now - “Thank you”, she mouths to you and you don’t even know what that means -
Stop. You need to stop. You sob in a breathful of air so hard it hurts, you need to stop.
You tell yourself: It will be alright.
But you’re part of this world and you can’t hope anymore.
"I smell apples."
With all the things you have lost, you have nothing now, and you can’t help but laugh joylessly at how the only thing on your mind is it’s so unfair that I would know her and lose her.
A scruffy woman with haunted eyes asks if you’re okay, honey?
Only now you realize you’ve sunk to the sticky ground.
No. You’re really not.